Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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