ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
