I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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