they need to just BURY HIM!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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