Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
