I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
