Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
