I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
