Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
