grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
