Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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