omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
