Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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