If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you would pick up someone in the library
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
