And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
