I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
