Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
