Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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