Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
what day is it and did you see me today?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
