Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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