took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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