You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
