Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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