People with herpes should wear stickers.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
