Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
