Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
