Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
