Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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