So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
