I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
