he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
