I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
