So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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