I wish I could punch you in the face.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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