Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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