If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
