I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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