The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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