Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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