dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
