so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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