I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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