I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
