i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
