i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
no you cant smoke seaweed
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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