I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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