Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
