the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
