end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
