so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
