I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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