In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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